There are times in
life when we might feel totally, hopeless, helpless, overwhelmed with emotional
pain. It can seem like there is no other way out of our problems, we've
run out of ideas, possible solutions. Our problems seem unfixable.
The pain feels like it will never end. We believe we've run out of options, and
suicide is the only answer left.
Maybe the suicidal
thoughts come to mind, you might have mixed feelings about them. They're
frightening and confusing.
For some people,
suicide may be a way of getting back at others, or showing them how much pain
you're in. But after suicide, you won't be there to see that they feel
guilty, or finally understand your pain.
Suicide is a
permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Feelings will
pass. Depression feels permanent, but it's transient. Things will
change. Depression comes and it goes.
Depression and pain
distort our thinking. It can seem like we're wearing very dark tinted
'gloomy specs'. Everything looks different to how it really is.
Thoughts are thoughts - not necessarily how things
are, although it certainly feels like the thoughts are true. Thoughts
affect the way we feel, and thoughts and feelings affect the way we react, what
we do (see this page).
Suicidal
thoughts can result when we experience too much pain, without having enough
resources to cope.
We therefore have two
ways to get us through this horrible time:
Reduce our pain
Increase our coping
resources
REDUCE THE PAIN
Self-soothing
Do something that
will help you feel better, right now
Perhaps collect items
into an emergency bag or box that you can turn to
Use all five senses
to find things that will soothe you
Vision
Focus your attention on looking at something nice, nature, a painting,
watching a favourite programme or movie
Hearing
Listen to a favourite piece of music, sounds of nature, sing
What can I do right
now that will help me feel better?
What gives my life meaning? What are my goals, dreams or life values?
E.g. Family, friends, pets, helping others, faith, spirituality, community life,
connecting with nature.
Tell yourself:
I've coped this far,
I can get through the next .... (day, hour, 10 minutes)
Things will look
better in time.
Depression is
temporary - this will pass.
Suicide is a
permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Depression is
distorting my thinking - these thoughts are the voice of depression. They
are not facts. I don't have to act on them.
The vast majority of
people get better from depression. I will look back and be pleased that I
chose to live.
Take things a little
at a time. Set out to get through the next day, the next week or month,
perhaps the next hour or even less. Tell yourself: "I've got through
so far, I can get through the next hour".
Distraction
Do something else,
and focus your attention fully on what you're doing, e.g.
Do
something creative: painting, writing, knitting, play a musical
instrument, make a collage, bake a cake, cook a meal, arrange some flowers, make
a website or blog
Get into a daily
routine and stick with it - get up at the same time each day, go to bed at the
same time, plan an activity each morning, afternoon and evening
Schedule in
activities which help you: Work, rest and play
Sometimes life can
feel like we're struggling to drive or cycle up a long and steep hill, in top
gear. The motor just can't get us there. It works really hard, but
it's impossible to get up that steep hill in top gear. We need to change
down a gear or two. Changing down gives the motor more torque, and is much
better able to drive those wheels up that hill, albeit a bit slower.
We often try to
struggle on in top gear, expecting so much of ourselves, of others, of life
itself. Sometimes we need to change down a gear. Slow it down,
reduce the struggle. Carry on, but in a lower gear.
'gloomy specs'. Everything looks different to how it really is.
