Anger
is a result of thinking that we have been unfairly treated or disrespected,
or that others have broken or fallen short of our rules, standards or
expectations, and we won't stand for it.
Thinking this way
leads us to feel angry, which stimulates the body's adrenaline response which isourbody's
way of helping us to cope with either fighting, or running away ('fight or
flight' response). We
respond to those thoughts and feelings, by acting, or feeling an urge to act, in
threatening or aggressive ways.
When
there is real, or we believe there is a real, threat or danger, our bodies'
automatic survival mechanism kicks in very quickly. This helps energise us
to fight or run away ('fight or flight response'). We will notice lots of
physical sensations, which might include:
heart
racing or pounding - enabling good blood supply around our bodies
breathing quickly - allowing more oxygen around the body
tense
muscles - a state of readiness to fight or flee
shaking
hot,
sweating
light-headed
stomach churning or butterflies
fist
or teeth clenching
physical urge to go
towards whatever is making us angry
Behaviours
might include:
staring & facial expression
aggressive body posture
move towards what is
making us angry
attack
hit
out (or urge to hit out)
argue
shout
run
or storm away
don't
talk
sulk
The Angry
Cycle
We all feel angry some times. Some people
tend to become angry easily (a "short fuse"), and some have problems controlling
their anger. Anger has consequences, and they often involve hurting other
people - more usually their feelings, but sometimes physically. Anger can
cause problems in our personal lives, and affect work and study. After an
angry outburst, we can think very critically of ourselves and our actions,
leading us to feel guilty, ashamed and lower our mood, which might result in our
withdrawing from others, not wanting to do anything (see depression cycle).
What or when are the times when you are more
likely to get angry? If you can see the patterns, then maybe you can do
something about those situations, and do something different.
Behind the wheel?
At work?
When stressed?
With certain people?
When you've been drinking or using other
substances?
What to do when you feel angry
STOPP!
Pause, take a breath, don't react automatically
Walk away - you can come back and talk later
Ask yourself:
What am I reacting to?
What is it that's
really pushing my buttons here?
Am I getting things out
of proportion?
How important is this
really?
How important will it
be in 6 months time?
What harm has actually
been done?
Am I expecting
something from this person or situation that is unrealistic?
What's the worst (and
best) that could happen? What's most likely to happen?
Am I jumping to
conclusions about what this person meant? Am I mis-reading between the
lines? Is it possible that they didn't mean that?
What do I want or need
from this person or situation? What do they want or need from me? Is
there a compromise?
What would be the
consequences of responding angrily?
Is there another way of
dealing with this? What would be the most helpful and effective action to
take? (for me, for the situation, for the other person)
Visualise yourself
dealing with the situation in a calm, non-aggressive but assertive way,
respecting the rights and opinions of all others involved.
How to deal with the physical sensations of
anger
Counteract the body's adrenaline response -
it's readiness for action, by using that energy healthily.
Practice calming or
mindful breathing - this
one act alone will help reduce the physical sensations, emotions and intensity
of thoughts.
Visualisation: Breathe in blue (for
calm) and/or green (for balance), and breathe out red.
Go for a walk, run or cycle, or maybe do
some gardening or housework.
